Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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