I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
