i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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