Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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