I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
