It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
