You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Vodka?
Forever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
