i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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