i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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