Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
