Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
