I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
