There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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