May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just googled if crying burns calories
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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