dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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