Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
