the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
