Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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