i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
