I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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