Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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