I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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