Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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