GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize