I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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