She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
