____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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