it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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