talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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