hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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