He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
