Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am puke
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
