I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm always down for nudity.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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