I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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