i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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