Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
