Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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