I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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