bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
