did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
