I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
