I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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