my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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