i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
