no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
