Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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