how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
