my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
