when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
