we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
