everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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