he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
