Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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