Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
