Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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