yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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