guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
