That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
