I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
