Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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